History of my name

My name is…

Honestly I’ve written about my name, Susana, and its meaning countless times before. Though, for some reason, it feels kind of different this time. Maybe it’s because this is my first time actually feeling as though this really is not an assignment, rather, it’s my own personal journal about my experiences and ideas (not that I keep a journal per say). Aside from that, I suppose it’s time to rant about my name for the one millionth time in my life.

My parents (specifically my mom) have always told me that I was named after my mother’s grandmother, who was very dear to my mother as she felt that her grandmother was more of a mother to her than her own mom (my grandmother). I won’t go into that story too much as it’s quite depressing to hear about my mother’s family issues and that is not the tone I’d like to continue this post with. Anyways, fun fact, I have 2 other names (middle names) that I was given during my birth which are my grandmother on my dad’s side’s name and my dad’s name. My family from my dad’s side always refer to me as a nickname that derives from both those middle names but my family on my mother’s side and all the people I have met throughout my life in the US call me by either my first name or a nickname derived from my first name. Somehow that doesn’t get weird! Alright, moving on, according to my mom my name is also from a biblical story about a beautiful girl who was the spouse of a very important man who was desired by 2 religious leaders that wanted to….ahem….if you know what i mean…which she did not want so consequently she was sentenced to death until a prophet came to save her because of her faith. Very wholesome, am I right? Compare that story to the dictionary meaning and history: Apparently the roots of the name can be traced back to Hebrew and even Egyptian. In the context of Hebrew, Susana was derived from the word שׁוֹשָׁן (shoshan) which means “lily” or “rose” in modern Hebrew. In Egyptian, it was derived from sšn meaning “lotus”. Essentially, I have a very, flowery, name if you will. Aside from all that, as far as I know my mother and father did not have any other names that they would have given me, they had already planned my name from before I was born, perhaps from before I was even in the womb, and did not even consider other names.

Now, what do I think of such a unique-ish name? Well, it truly does depend on my mood and what I am thinking about at the moment. If I take a more logical and legal approach to my name I think it’s unique enough for me not to have legal issues and for me to be distinguished from other people because the name is rare enough that I have never really met that many Susanas in my life. This is a good thing if I do say so myself because I won’t accidentally be pronounced dead legally anytime soon. If I look at it from the perspective of a person trying to fit in I would say I dislike my name because it’s so different from how other people’s names sound. Everyone’s name feels like it belongs in the class while I feel like me and my name just don’t. Does it truly represent me well? I honestly don’t know…I don’t really have an opinion on such a thing because I never really took the time to think about it thoroughly as I have many other problems I need to solve about myself and the world around me. As for how others react to my name they either just dont mind it and dont react or they just say “oh, nice name.” So technically everything about not fitting in is really just all in my head, I suppose.

Well, since I am quite indecisive about whether or not I like my name, what name(s) would I be certain to like? Perhaps something like Daisy, Evelina, or even Grace. I would say Grace and Daisy because they both end in a letter that makes the person saying it smile slightly. Basically they sound quite nice and beautiful and have good associations. Evelina was a name I chose because I get a very calm vibe from that name and I think it best reflects who I am as of now. Evelina means “desired” or “water” and “island” Also, I just think being able to be a “Evvie” is kinda cool. Would I actually legally change my name to those names? Probably not. Even if I have some negative feelings about my name it doesn’t mean that I dislike my name overall, and I personally like that I was named after people that are dear to or are my family.